I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
