She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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