wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Someone shattered a urinal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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