Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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