my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
