he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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