Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
