Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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