Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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