My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize