Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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