i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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