I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
