I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
