I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize