I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
