After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
