He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
