the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
