You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
