Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
