I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
