Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
