i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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