you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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