i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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