I faked an abortion last night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
