My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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