Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can you bring me the toilet please
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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