Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
