All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
