walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize