I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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