i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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