She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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