just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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