So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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