I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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