I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
