You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize