"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
