Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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