well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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