ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
