So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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