Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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