Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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