smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
