You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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