awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
