He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
