New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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