you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
