I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
