I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
