You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize