Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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