Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
