I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize