Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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