Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
