I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize