why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
