In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
