My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
