Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
