Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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