i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
